I was in a bike accident on Saturday. I am at my mom’s recuperating. Here are some details.
In short: I biked to Simone’s to see a small music festival. Either my brakes broke or the front wheel became dislocated, because when I squeezed the brakes, nothing happened. I hit a parked SUV, broke three teeth, cut my forehead, busted my lip open, and accumulated a bunch of scrapes and bruises.
Sweet mother of god, AT&T: I called my dentist three times in the ambulance, unable to hear her entire voicemail message because of spotty reception.
The staff at Simone’s: flabbergasted me with their kindness and concern. They brought me ice water, called 911, and didn’t ask me to pay for the broken headlight on the SUV (it belonged to a staffer). I think one of them even found one of my tooth fragments. I felt like I was being supervised by a SQUAT team. Everyone, please visit this bar!
Total sets of fake teeth I will need: Three
(First I need a root canal, then that will heal, then I will have temporary teeth, then I might need 1 - 2 more root canals, and then I will get crowns.)
My largest bruise has resembled: a penis, a spaceship, a goldfish, a sunset, a fox
Attractiveness is an important form of social currency: It was clear to me before the accident, and it was clear to me afterward. It’s been clear to every doctor who has reassured me that I would ultimately look the same.
The crowd goes wild: I didn’t realize I was in bad shape until I saw how people were looking at me. I thought, “Oh, that hurt,” and then “I guess I lost some teeth.” When I turned away from the SUV, about five people were staring at me. Somebody went to get a manager, I guess.
“That’s badass,” one guy said as he walked by me.
“I like your necklace,” another guy said, seemingly indifferent to the fact that I was bleeding from multiple sites on my face.
Enterprising/confusing individuals: A neighborhood teenager and her friends were selling handmade notebooks. As I scrounged around outside, trying to find tooth fragments, the girl approached me and asked if I wanted to buy one. I laughed in response; it was probably scary as fuck for that kid.
But still, WHAT? Really? I don’t claim to know everything, but if someone was like,
“Arianna, that woman is searching behind an SUV for her own teeth, bleeding from her face all the while. Do you think she wants a handicraft this instant?”
I would be like,
“No, I think this woman clearly has other priorities right now.”
